Phil & Mel In The Afternoon

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Today, my wife and I celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary. That’s us in the photo below on October 30, 1999, shortly after tying the knot in Austin, TX. Not a gray hair on my head yet.

Phil Harris

I haven’t always been able to buy my wife something from the traditional wedding anniversary gift list. It can be a bit confusing. When it says “iron” for the sixth anniversary, does that mean dietary supplements or a sturdy metal fence? However, more than once, I actually managed to come up with a present that fit the theme for our anniversary. For example, the third wedding anniversary is traditionally commemorated with leather…which, now that I recall, is not something I can go into here.

This year’s gift has proven to be a challenge. The traditional gift for the 18th wedding anniversary is porcelain. What was I supposed to do with that? My wife doesn’t collect Lladro (top), veneers don’t exactly scream romance, and we already replaced our toilets a few years ago. I had to call an audible.

Instead, I’ve planned an intimate night on the town beginning with “couples flu shots” at our local pharmacy. You’ve heard of couples massage? This is quicker. Then, we’ll kick it up a notch with a hearty dinner to counteract any potential wooziness from the vaccine.

Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

I know it’s not great but at least we’re doing something for our health that will hopefully ensure we’ll be around to celebrate our 19th anniversary next year. Anybody know where I can get a good deal on some bronze andirons?

If you and your spouse have a wedding anniversary coming soon, click here to see the traditional gift list.