Is it normal to have a delayed reaction to something? I think that’s what’s happening to me. Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer and Friday night it hit me. You’d think it would have smacked me the day of the diagnosis but Friday was when it got me. Friday it hit me like a brick wall.
It’s weird. It’s not like I’m unaware of the diagnosis. When I got the diagnosis, I was stunned and shocked I didn’t truly process it. But Friday when I got home from work the depression got me. All weekend I slept. I made myself clean and do a few chores but I seemed to sleep more than normal. I feel worn out. I’m feeling a bit dazed. At work, I try and stay upbeat because that’s what I do! I’m so thankful for all the support but I think I’m putting the cancer diagnosis on the back burner and the support and the well wishes have made me confront the diagnosis.
As I write this I’m not sure if it makes sense. I guess there’s no right way to act when you hear the word cancer. It affects people differently. I’m so used to using humor to deal with things. The seriousness hit me Friday and I’m a bit lost.
On Friday a listener called and the story she shared really resonated with me. This woman’s sister passed away from breast cancer. She was calling to let me know that she was praying for me and that she would keep me in her thoughts. Now, I have no doubt that I’m going to be fine since doctor’s found the cancer early. But hearing how hard it was for the caller to lose her sister and hearing the love in her voice hit me right in the feels. I think I use humor to keep myself going, and that’s ok! It’s just when I’m alone my anxiety kicks in.
The support system I have is huge, and I’ve received so many encouraging messages. It’s all a bit overwhelming, but I’m so very grateful. The biopsy I have tomorrow to check for cervical cancer is stressing me out as well. It’s bad enough to have one type of cancer, but if I have two, I may break down.
I know of a woman that is battling two types of cancer right now. I see her posts on Facebook and I think of how strong she is. People keep telling me I’m strong. Sadly, I’m not feeling that way all the time. I’ve been told I was brave for making my diagnosis public, but I don’t feel that way. There are WAY braver people than me! I just went public to encourage others to get checked.
A friend in Gastonia came up with #FightLikeMel and I love it! Over the weekend so many of my friends shared it and made the hashtag their Facebook cover pic. I have some friends that want to make tee-shirts and hats, which is awesome! Seeing so many people supporting me is awesome! And I don’t want to let anyone down. There’s a pressure there to be as strong as others think I am. Does that make sense?
As I go through this journey, sharing my experiences will help me. There are so many emotions that are confusing. I guess that’s normal. Thank you for reading and thank you so much for the support.