How Many Favors Do You Offer Friends?
Depending on what country you live, there might be a prerequisite to making, keeping, and maintaining friendships. If your live in the United States we tend to value a friendship differently due to the scratch my back exchange equality framework. We learned this from our moms and dads, sisters, and brothers. This concept is built on the assumption that each friend holds a shared understanding of the value of resources that are invested into the relationship and that each friend will honor that unspoken language until the _____ hit’s the fan, then we automatically share how many favors we did for the other person.
When you break down a favor, people aren’t actually doing you a favor, but rather proposing a deal. But the thing is they don’t say it openly. On the contrary: they make their help look like generosity. And then when you least expect it, they bring up what they did for you. Or worse still, they saddle you with obligations you never accepted in the first place.
People who act like that are hiding behind a false concept of gratitude. They think anytime they do someone a favor, there’s the understanding that it will be returned. However, they never check whether the other person thinks this way too. They just show up to claim their favor or expect you to do something for them, without even asking you. And if you don’t, they get angry and play the victim.
