Moment With Mel: We Don’t Have To Be Nice
I’m a huge true crime fan and have been following the case of Bryan Kohberger. He’s the man that’s been arrested with murdering four University of Idaho students. The story is horrific. I’m always interested in the ‘why’ when it comes to crime cases. And as of right now, there’s only speculation in this case. Despite the why, the case is beyond sad.
After Kohberger’s arrest, a woman who matched with him years ago on Tinder posted a TikTok video about the date she had with him. According to the New York Post, the woman, Hayley, went out with him seven years ago while she was a student at Penn State Hazelton.
After the two matched on the dating site, they decided to go to the movies together. After the movie, Kohberger invited himself inside Hayley’s dorm room so that they could watch a movie on Netflix. She says once inside her room, the date took a creepy turn.
Hayley says he kept trying to touch her. Not inappropriately, but she says he was rubbing her shoulders and trying to tickle her. When she asked him why he was doing that, he denied touching her. She felt uncomfortable and excused herself to the dorm bathroom. He followed her there and stood outside the door. Weird!
Instead of kicking him out, Hayley says she didn’t want to be mean, so she pretended to be throwing up in the bathroom. Eventually, Kohberger left. In the video, Hayley says, ‘it wasn’t because I was scared of him or thought he would hurt me if I asked him to leave. It was just mostly because I’m socially awkward. I didn’t know how to ask him to leave.’
Socially awkward I get. But as women, many of us are taught not to ‘be mean’ to someone. And we need to teach girls and young women that being mean is ok! If you’re in a situation where you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, it’s ok to be mean! Now I realize that some men can become violent when confronted but as women, we should not have to be nice when in an uncomfortable situation.
Years ago, when I was in my 20’s, I’d go out to a bar with my friends here in Charlotte. One of my friends would always be nice to men when they were giving her unwanted attention. She always said, ‘I don’t want to be mean’. So I’d step up. I wasn’t mean, but I’d firmly say we’re not interested, and the man would move along. There’s nothing wrong with that! In our society, women are expected to put up with unwanted attention and always be polite. And that’s BS! We do not have to be nice and polite all the time. We’re allowed to say no! We’re allowed to tell people to move along.
As a teenager, I once had a guy make unwanted advances after a date. We were in his car, in my driveway, and when I said no, he raised his hand like he was going to hit me. I immediately got angry and told him if he touched me, he wouldn’t make it out of my driveway. My three brothers and my dad were inside the house. I was appalled that this guy thought he could become violent with me! He calmed down quickly when I stood up for myself. I never saw or spoke to that guy again.
Women don’t have to put up with being bullied! ANYTIME you go on a date with someone, always make sure someone knows who you’re going out with. In the 80’s, we didn’t have cell phones or social media. Now, it’s easy to make sure you have backup if you need to leave an uncomfortable situation. Women shouldn’t have to do this, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
The video Hayley posted is below. Please make sure your daughters and friends are safe when going on dates. And please know women do not have to be nice all the time. Knowing a few self-defense moves is always a good idea!
